So let’s do a run down:
M started seeing this boy whom we’ll refer to as P (aka asshole) in September; he seems like a nice boy, goes to school, and plays on the football team, ready to graduate in June class of 2010, and spoke often of college. They didn’t really date since neither had any money, mostly just hung out at school and his house, we lived in a small 3 bedroom apartment and with already 5 of us space was tight, plus L (my fiancé) works from home. Months go by no issues that I can see from her relationship grades are so, so but since entering high school the year prior she’d had some trouble, work load and curriculum was a lot.
Toward the end of March L and I found our first home. We knew at that time we’d be moving about 30 minutes north of our current location and that means new schools for the kids, and M wouldn’t have easy (5 minute) access to P but there are city busses and ways she could have made it back and forth. However in April she’d began spending more and more time with her girlfriend R. Really nice girl good family, meet her parents and the whole nine yards so when M would ask to stay with R on the weekends I didn’t hesitate to agree. She was doing fine in school taking care of her responsibilities at home so why not.
Late April M hits me with the P has a baby said she didn’t want to tell me sooner as she figured I’m make her stop seeing him. April comes and goes and although I am not really comfortable with her seeing P knowing that he has a baby I didn’t make her stop seeing him, I simply figured we’d be soon moving and he’d become a memory.
May M and P go to prom together, she looked so beautiful. Just after Prom M then hits me with the “you’re going to be mad but” P has another baby, his ex girlfriend just gave birth. So I was livid. I’d meet P’s mother several times since September (granted we didn’t become friends) and not once did she or anyone mention the first baby, now there is a second? I told M he was bad news there had to be a reason he keep getting girls pregnant and dumping them. But what do I know I’m just her mother.
We closed on our new home in June and had scheduled our move for the end of the month. I figured (again stupidly) we’d simply get through the month move and she’d be done with P… Well we moved June 26th on June 28th M’s dad and I learned she was pregnant and that she’d suspected she was for almost a week. She was already 7 weeks pregnant. My heart sank, and all she keep saying was she was having this baby and wanted to be with P, his mom would help her and P (although he told M point blank he didn’t want the baby) would support her no matter what. Three days later I’d found out P had a son almost 2yrs old who he denies as his, but his mother claims as her grandchild, 17 and three kids all under the age of 3, and now another one on the way.
M’s dad wanted her to stay with him (I was glad to let her, as I was very upset) so he could help her through this, but just as I said if she decided to keep this baby it’s her responsibility to raise and support it. She’d need a job and to really focus on her future. She’d gotten into an argument with her dad about her plans and what she was going to do. He’s told her she couldn’t see P until she figured some things out with that she ran away from her dad’s telling him she didn’t need or want his help and was gone for three days, although we knew where she was we couldn’t get confirmation and the local police couldn’t do anything unless she was caught on the street. Even after they told us they could bring her home but at 16 they couldn’t force her to stay. Yeah but tell me again how as her parents were responsible till she’s 18.
Finally she’d made her way to a shelter and called me to pick her up. She’d decided to have an abortion, I’d made the appointment and we’d talked about it. Although I was relieved she’d decide to give herself a second chance to have a real future I wanted to be sure she was sure of her decision. The decision to end a pregnancy is a hard one to make; I know I’ve been there myself.
Things seemed ok; we talked about her new school, and what clubs she might sign up for and her desire to go to college in a few years. I had my daughter with the bright future back and I was so happy. She’d maintained contact with P via phone and Facebook, but I wouldn’t let her see him. He did enough damage, but yes it takes two to tango. July 23 was the date for termination and again she seemed nervous but still ok, I’d asked her again that morning if she was still sure and she said yes.
15 minutes after we arrived here comes P and M’s waterworks. She sat with P and his sister and some random friend I guess they all knew (all showed up as if it were a party) and she’d cry and he’d whisper something to her and she’d nod. She went back into the room where they do what they do and P joined her about 15 minutes after that. Within half an hour she emerged with P close behind, she’d had a sad pathetic look on her face and simply said I couldn’t do it.
P quickly hugged her and left, he was out the door before I got off the chair.
I got M to the car and I yelled at her that she was making the biggest mistake of her life, and that she must figure out what she’s going to do now. After I calmed down I told her I loved her but again she needs a job and to think about her education and what kind of life she wants for her baby, because whatever life she has this baby will have also. I didn’t want her on welfare and living hand to mouth but I am in no position to support another child. She told me she wasn’t me, and she knew what she was doing and that simply because my life was hard didn’t mean hers would be.
I was 17 when I became pregnant with M, 18 I married her dad and gave birth. By 20 we’d split I worked job after job mostly retail some days I’d barley even seen M but I did what I had to do because I had adult responsibilities, at 18 for me it was a struggle to get a job and pay bills, so the rose colored glasses she wears about her life worry me greatly. I tried to keep her from making that choice, but now that she has all I want is for her to rise to the occasion and understand the world is a tough place and no one gets by with handouts. I haven’t spoken to her since, she stayed locking in her room all week and on July 30 she took off, to be with P.
My dear M, if only you didn’t think I was your enemy!
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