Stay Tuned…. I’m back

Wow I cannot even believe I haven’t posted anything since 2010. WTF, I am the blogging slacker extraordinaire!! LMAO well shit I am back and I’ve got lots to blog, vent, post, praise, and well shit to talk about. Sooooooo much has happened (well duh bitch it’s been like forever) I don’t even know where to start.  

I actually had to go back and read where I left off in my tales of my crazy ass life... Still cannot believe it’s been so long! Holy shit! Ok so enough about that. As I had said before I never want to blog simply just to blog I want my content to reflect how I feel at that moment, and be a personal RX for me to get to a better place. I am still and most likely will always be a work in progress. I have had so much change; ups and downs and what I call a crazy whirlwind of things happen in these very long months that until now even I have been unable to get a handle on it all. I am ready now to put all of it into perspective and get it down in writing. I still have the inner struggle to understand why it all is what it is and I may never find an answer but I must try.  

So welcome back, sit tight and stay tuned we have a lot to catch up on!

I don’t support stupidity! But I’m not immune to it.

M is currently not speaking to me as I don’t support her decision to have this baby seeing her current boyfriend (whom we will refer to as asshole) at 17 has not 1, not 2, but 3 babies already by 3 separate girls. I admit I knew of the 1 child shortly after they first started dating in September, but I was stupid and said well mistakes happen and who am I to judge, and it (at the time) didn’t seem to be as much of a big deal since M was on birth control and always said she’d never be stupid enough to let herself get into that kind of trouble. I found out about the rest just before I found out she was knocked up.


Now I wear, the “you’re an asshole” for letting her continue to see him sticker.

It seems that no matter where I turn what avenue I try there is pretty much nothing I can do as a parent to stop her from making the biggest mistake of her life. The issue is not prolife or pro-choice; it’s in fact pro her future. At 16 she should be looking forward to her junior year of high school and scouting colleges since she’s always talked about being a forensic psychologist and working hopefully someday with the FBI. That won’t happen with a baby and no education.

M has lied and manipulated and played every game she could to alienate her family to be with this asshole boyfriend, and now she’s staying with him and his parents. Ugh what do I do, this isn’t an episode of that retarded reality show 16 and pregnant. I can’t allow her to dictate to me how she would live in my house, and at the same time enable her to let mommy fix this for her. I cannot and will not do it, I told her for a long time I’m not raising no babies.

So now, I let her go…yes (he who is without sin cast the first stone) she made this decision and now as much as it pains me she must live with it. My focus has to be on the rest of my family and getting on with my life. I cannot change what she has done and she cannot hear anything I say. I was 17 when I got pregnant (yes history repeats its-self with vengeance) and 18 when I gave birth and she has been witness to the struggles of single parenthood and she still chose to make her life and that of her unborn baby as difficult as possible.

I love M very much but she’d made her bed…

The year of the hour glass, time is running short.

I can’t believe its august already, this year is flying by.


Some days it cannot go fast enough and others id wish time would stand still so that I may take a moment and enjoy all the changes I’ve had thus far. I knew somehow this year would be life changing, and not simply because I’m almost 35 (that isn’t an issue for me like many women), but because I had a sense big things were going to happen.

However so true was that thought? Let’s recap

1. My fiancé L and I finally set a date after for our wedding. We’ve been engaged well as of today four days shy of four years. Woo hoo don’t rush into anything…

2. We purchased, and moved into our first home. We are indeed both first time home buyers even though he’s 46 and I’m 34 (that’s 12 years in case your math is fuzzy)

3. I am in the daunting process of trying to change jobs, (good luck on that with the economy) and can’t seem to narrow down what I really want to do.

That’s my own personal journey thus far, oh but there is so much more to this story. My step-son to be B graduated high school and has yet to enroll for college or find a job. His dad L doesn’t think at this point it’s an issue as he feels he should have one last summer to enjoy himself. I could totally understand that if B actually left the house (ever) but alas he hibernates in his room which already reeks of smelly teenage boy stench and we just moved in the end of June. Don’t think I will win that battle, so for now I wave the white flag.

I have two daughters of my own and boy or boy what a trip. My youngest J is 9 smart, sarcastic, funny and very much a tom boy (although she won’t admit that). The oldest M is 16 and thus far been a real challenge, she takes teenager to a level I never thought possible. I wish I could say she’s my joy but sadly she’s positioned herself into that unfortunate statistical box, as she is 16 and pregnant. My heart breaks just writing that. I have to get a drink and an aspirin, and some much needed sleep.